Okay, we all have to admit it. People are jerks. Even the greatest people in the world—the most righteous or nicest people—do or say jerky things sometimes. And we just want to respond back. In kind. Oh, we can try to hold it in sometimes, and perhaps we’re successful (most of the time). But in our heads we are running a script that reads like a Don Rickles set. We are cutting them down, wittily tearing them apart. Or maybe, if we are the more physical type, we are thinking more than that. Perhaps we are clenching our fist to keep from punching someone out.
Anger is something we all need to deal with. All of us have anger, we just may deal with it in different ways. Jesus himself had anger and had to find ways to deal with it (Mark 3:5). God made us all with anger. But what are we to do with it? Jesus discusses that right now:
Anger and Hostility
You’ve heard the teaching, how Moses told the ancients, “Don’t murder.” Some tell you that God judges just those who are guilty of murder. But I command you that every person who is hostile to others is going to be judged by God. In the kingdom, the one who dishonors another will be condemned by the Supreme Court. And the insulter will be punished by hellfire.
Jesus’ teaching here seems pretty extreme. He is in agreement with Moses—Murder is a bad thing, and everyone who murders will be judged by God. But Jesus says that murder isn’t the limit of God’s judgement. In fact, if anyone gives another a display of anger, then they will be judged by God—even something as small as an insult. They will receive the same kind of judgement as a murderer—hell!
That doesn’t seem to make any sense. Why would God punish someone for insulting another—something almost all of us has done at one point or another—just the same as a murderer? The reason is that God isn’t actually punishing the act—he is punishing the attitude. It is the attitude that often accompanies anger that God is punishing—the intent to harm another person.
Not all anger is wrong, Scripture makes that clear (Ephesians 4:26), and Jesus—as well as other saints in the Bible—have had anger which was right before God. But most anger is anger in sin (James 1:19-20). The difference between righteous anger and sinful anger is this: the attitude of benefit or of harm to another. If anger causes you to act in harm to another, then you will be punished.
In Scripture, there are three types of harm that will be punished. If one does physical punishment with the intent to harm, it will be punished by God. If one dishonors another, especially in public, they will be punished by God. And if anyone refuses to help another in their need, they will be punished by God (I John 3:16-17).
The Need for Reconciliation
Of course, this doesn’t probably make us feel good about ourselves. Almost all of us have insulted someone or lashed out in anger against someone else—even if it was a small act. Does this mean there is no hope? No, in fact, Jesus tells us how to solve our problem before God:
If you wish to make an offering to God and remember that you have wronged someone, then don’t finish making your offering. Making everyone else wait, first go and make it right with the one you wronged—then go to God.
You are going to God with all of these around you. Whomever you have wronged will accuse you before God. And for your debt to them, God will put you under the authority of Satan and Satan will put you in judgment. And you will not be released until you have repaid your debt, even the smallest bit.
In this passage, Jesus is giving us two examples of us going before God. In the first, we are approaching God to worship Him and to take our request before Him. In the second, we are hoping to have a good hearing before God on judgment day. In both of these cases, we are assuming (or hoping) that God will accept us and help us. However, Jesus says, we need to be more careful when we approach God. You see, if there is someone whom we have wronged in some way who approaches God with a complaint against us, then we will not be received favorably. In fact, even in our time of prayer, we will be judged.
So what should we do? We should do what we should always do when we sin—we must repent. Repentance means different things with different sins, but for a sin of anger—acting in harm against another—then we need to reconcile. What does it mean to reconcile when we have harmed another? It means that we need to do everything we can to be at peace with the other person. Perhaps it will mean an apology. Perhaps it will mean redressing some wrong. But we need to do what we can to fix the situation. Only in the effort of making peace will we gain forgiveness.
This doesn’t mean that our forgiveness by God is dependant on someone forgiving us. Rather, it means that we need to address the problem. “In as much as you are able, be at peace with everyone,” Paul says (Romans 12:19). Beyond that, the Lord does not hold us liable if we are unable to make the other person forgive us.
A Process of Reconciliation
Of course, reconciliation isn’t easy, no matter how you look at it. After all, if we did something to harm another, they probably deserved it—at least a little. And they probably didn’t even think they did anything wrong! However, our object is not to make sure that the wrongs done against us are righted. Rather, we want to focus on getting our relationship with God right again. With that in mind—admitting that we could still be angry at the other person we harmed in our anger—we might want to go through the following steps in making reconciliation:
Pray to the Spirit for God’s love for the person you are angry with
Determine how you would act if you cared for them and their well-being
Act on that determination with prayer and devotion to God
Apologize for whatever you did wrong, even if they do not respond in a way that you find appropriate
Approach a mature, gentile brother or sister to help you deal with the situation
Make a list of the things you could do to keep peace between you and the person you are angry with. If you can’t think of anything, ask someone else what they think you could do.
Pray that the person would do his or her best to reconcile as well.
Talk to the person to express how they hurt you
Once you have done everything you can, let it go.
Be angry with actions to help the other, not harm them.
The solution to sinful anger is reconciliation.
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